


Wooing For Winchesters

by laconicisms



Series: Candle Verse [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: schmoop_bingo, Epistolary, Humor, M/M, Wordcount: 100-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-11
Updated: 2010-08-11
Packaged: 2017-10-11 01:20:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/106712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laconicisms/pseuds/laconicisms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>- a Handy-dandy Guide for All Those Chuckleheads Who Try To Court an Angel (That means you, Dean.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wooing For Winchesters

From the wastebin of a cheap motel somewhere in the U. S. of A.

 

~~Angel Courting 101~~ **Wooing for Winchesters**  
  
**a Handy-dandy Guide for All Those Chuckleheads Who Try To Court an Angel** (That means you, Dean.)  
  
 by Sam and Gabriel**Gabriel and Sam**  
   
**1) Let them know that you‘re interested.** This. Is. Vital. Unless they‘ve been on Earth for thousands of years, posing as a Trickster **and already had phenomenal people skills before that!** \- you need to be obvious about this. Pulling their primaries is *not* being obvious, Dean. You‘re no longer in third grade. **We don‘t really have wings, you know.** Not every girl has pigtails either. It‘s metaphorical. **You‘d look cute with pigtails, Sammy.**Don‘t. You. Dare.  
  
1a) Anyway, really. I know you don‘t like chick flick moments, but just *tell* him, Dean. **And be quick about this; I can‘t stand to watch your little dance much longer. **  
  
**2) Presents are a good idea. Especially candy.** Are we talking about you or Castiel? **Fine, fine. No presents for Cassie-bee. **There are other things beside candy. Just pick something he‘ll like, Dean. **I‘m not sure there‘s anything he likes aside from God and your brother, and he can‘t give him Dad, so...**  
**  
3) Take off your clothes and tell him to fuck you (or let you fuck him), Dean-o.** I did *not* need that mental image; scarred for life now. **It was my pleasure.** *That* I believe.  
   
**4) Once you‘re finally fucking** Gabriel, please. **doing the dirty, don‘t forget to lick his ear; he‘ll go wild.** How the hell, do *you* know that??? **Same as with the candy. **WhaThat Is that why you renamed this ‚Wooing for Winchester*s*‘?  
  
**5) Angels also like blowjobs. Really like.**Okay, I *get* it. You could have just *told* me.  
   
**6) Angels also like backrubs.** Tha  
  
**7) And blindfolds.** Gabr  
  
**8) And handcuffs.**  
   
**9) And clamps.**  
  
 I‘m going out for pizza. Let me know when you‘re done.  
  
   
_What the fuck??? Don‘t leave that shit lying around. I don‘t wanna know what you get up to when the door is closed; that‘s why the fucking door is CLOSED! And keep your noses out of my and Cas‘ business! _  
   
  
**We‘ll stay out of it as soon as there is a business.**  
  
  
*Dean,   
  
I have found this in my coat pocket. Since it seems to be addressed to you, I‘m leaving it on your nightstand. By the by, I do not understand why we are now communicating in this manner; talking is certainly more expedient. However, I don‘t always understand human customs, nor do I need to in order to follow them.  
  
 Also, Gabriel and Sam are correct. You could have told me.   
  
They are incorrect in regards to the rest. I do not require presents (candy or otherwise), nor do I have a preference for any particular act associated with sex. Although I believe that this is due to my general inexperience.   
  
What would one do with clamps during intercourse, Dean?*


End file.
